Is Chivalry Dead? Category: Life

Originally Posted Sunday, January 06, 2008

Is Chivalry Dead? Really is it? Since I’ve been back in the DC area for 8 months now I’ve come to realize why I’ve been away for so long. I seems like it’s impossible to meet a man of “substance” in this area. Let’s break down substance: has a degree, doesn’t live with his parents, has transportation, has a career, doesn’t have a bunch of baby mamas, and being remotely attractive wouldn’t hurt. Is that really too much to ask for?

Living in FL and GA, I had gotten used to men who gave compliments or would ask you out. Or when you go out strangers would buy you and your girls drinks. Let’s not even talk about men opening and holding doors or offering to help you with your groceries or pump your gas. That seems to be unheard of here.

It seems like men (more specifically Black men) who are actually about something are either taken, gay, or busy trying to have a few women on their arms. A woman who knows her man is dating other women are just perpetuating this behavior. In an area where there are so many affluent Black men and women you would think it wouldn’t be so hard to find someone who is equally yoked. Not to be too judgemental but men here expect the women to seek them out and for them to put in all the work.

Let’s not even talk about my friend that I’ve known since kindergarten. She’s a lawyer and she’s been dating a guy who works in fast food, never been to his place, he doesn’t have a car and refuses to meet her friends. She very intelligent, went to an Ivy League school and passed the Bar Exam twice (& ON THE FIRST TIME in each state), you would think she’d have some sense but apparently she’s given in to accepting some BS just to have somebody.

Even from the beginning, the mid-Atlantic east coast man expects for you to be the one to approach him. Last night, I went out to one of my favorite restaurants in DC with a few other young ladies. When the DJ started playing music, I swear for the first hour only ladies were on the dance floor when the guys were standing around watching. I felt like I was at my 6th grade prom when the girls were on one side and the boys on the other.

All of the ladies in my party (ages 27-33) have good jobs/careers, their own places, are doing well for ourselves and let’s not forget to mention we all are attractive. And none of us are married or even engaged. Towards the end of the night this guy actually summons one of us to come over to him. Umm excuse me? We just looked at each other thinking are you serious. These men have absolutely no idea how to treat a lady. Did this fool actually think our girl was going to respond to his beckoning? I know some woman would fall for that, but not a classy one.

I really don’t know who to blame for this. Is it the woman is so desperate for a man she lowers her standards to get one? Or it is the man, who thinks just because he has a little something going for him and has gotten used to desperate, lonely women he no longer cares about being a gentleman?