So I’m loving the Jamie Foxx Intuition CD right now. When I’m not in the car jammin’ to Blame It On The A… I’m singing along to She Got Her Own featuring Ne-Yo & Fabolous.

Listening to the words, I started to think to myself is that really true? Does a man really want a woman who has her own? In my opinion, I don’t think so. Many men are intimidated by a woman who has her act together because often times she may be doing better than him.

I don’t think the issue is that we are constantly telling our men how we have to pay a mortgage, how successful we are at our jobs, or our plans for the future. Some women make comments whether being serious or in a joking manner that make her man feel like less of a man, which is where the problems begin. The issue is men at a certain point in their life may feel inadequate if their woman has reached a point where the playing field is no longer level. If a man hasn’t reached that level, in most cases he’s not going to be able to handle being with a woman who’s seen as being more successful than he is. This is a theory I’ve had for a while and it was recently reinforced by reading Steve Harvey’s new book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. We’ll save that for another post.

There are other songs that promote strong, successful women out there. Everyone remembers
Webbie’s “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T” song that all the ladies were singing last year. Part of the chorus says “She got her own car, she pay her own bills, two jobs works hard U a bad broad.” I don’t know the other words of the song but the chorus is so easy to relate to because there are so many of us out there that are doing what we have to maintain a certain lifestyle, even if that means having a FT job and a side hustle :-). But anywayz…

So my most recent experience was with a man who didn’t have his own. Not to put my ex on blast he’s a great guy but…although he had 2 degrees, never been married & had no kids he had a problem managing his money. After a few months of dating we figured out that we weren’t on the same level even though I was 8 years younger than him. He had just moved out of his parent’s house (at the ripe age of 35), could barely afford the $1k he paid in rent, had tons of debt (I mean collection notices were stacked up), and still had to ask his parents to loan him money to pay his cell phone bill when it got cut off. I’m not even kidding . Don’t get me wrong everybody has debt and I can spend money with the best of them. I’m not going to lie and say I never sacrificed to have the hottest new designer bag or shoes, but trust & believe my mortgage, car note, and bills are going to be paid!

With all that said, although men say they appreciate a women “who’s got her own”, if he’s not there himself it’s going to be hard to make that relationship work. Truth is a man wants and needs to be the man in the relationship and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If we as successful women aren’t able to make our men feel like we need them, more than likely it’s not going to work. Guess that’s why there are so many successful women who’ve never been married, I know I don’t plan to be one of them. According to the previous census, 42% of black women and 21% of white women have never been married. Definitely something to think about.