Last weekend, I volunteered for the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure as I do every year. As I stood at my volunteer post at the Prize pick-up tent I noticed my ex-boyfriend’s Mother and knew he could be too far away. A moment later, there he is in his frat paraphernalia and joins his Mom while she stood in line. I’m not sure if he or his Mom spotted me first but as soon as I glanced (or should I say glared) in his direction, I saw him whisper to his Mother and try to disappear into the crowd. Should’ve known he wouldn’t have the decency to speak.
As his Mother got closer to me in the line she waved hello and smiled. I’ve only seen her once since her son and I broke up, and that was at a distance at one of our sorority meetings. Sometimes I wonder what he told her about why we suddenly broke up. It was like one minute we were cooking dinner for each other’s parents and talking about our future together and the next it was over. Although, my ex’s Mother is a great woman, she has to know she played a major role in who he turned out to be, which is a 36 year old Mama’s boy, who never learned how to be financially responsible, didn’t have the ability to communicate his problems, and had no idea what he wanted out of life. Kind of sad.
But going back to the Race, it was strange seeing him again since we haven’t seen each other nor spoken since we broke up early February. Other then passing him on the street or highway, I’ve had absolutely no contact with him, no emails, no texts, no random phone calls, nothing. Which is strange because I’m still friends or at least cordial with all of my exes. He did run into one of my girls a few weeks ago and ask her how I was doing, her reply was a simple, why don’t you ask her yourself. That’s why I love my friends! I can’t help but be thankful to him for being such a punk and helping me to realize that I deserve better. Glad I only spent a few months with him and not a few years.
Although he looked great on paper (not including his credit score but that’s another story) and we got along great even being that annoying couple who had the uncanny ability to finish each other’s sentences, he simply didn’t have his stuff together and I should’ve seen the signs from the beginning. It still feels weird that our relationship only lasted for such a short period of time (7 months) but we’d become so immersed in one another’s lives it seemed like we’d known each other forever. He’d always say how he thought we were kindred spirits. Blah, blah, blah.
In the last month of our relationship, he started acting very distant. I knew he was having financial issues, eventhough he made significantly more than I did and didn’t have nearly the debt I was carrying (not sure how you can have that much debt when you lived at home for 15 years after college) but I tried to be supportive even paid a lot of the times when we’d go out, which is something I rarely do. We’d schedule time to sit down and talk about why he was acting so strange but he’d always find an excuse not to discuss what the real issues were. I guess after a while he couldn’t deal with not being able to be the man he thought he should be.
At this point I figured why should I continue to waste time. If he didn’t know what he wanted and didn’t have the decency to take a moment to let me know what was really going on in his life, why should I sit around and wait for him to figure it all out. I told him I was done and he told me he still wanted to have me in his life. I simply told him I believe in all or nothing and that was it. A few days later he asked me to reconsider but I decided it wasn’t worth the effort. So before Valentine’s Day, I mailed him his V-Day gift (since I had it custom-made and couldn’t return it), the guest parking pass for his apartment, along with a letter wishing him all the best. And as quickly as the relationship had begun, it was over.
After reflecting on our relationship the good, the bad, and the ugly, I figured it was for the best. My friends tried to keep their opinions to themselves but once it was over they told me how they really felt about my ex. Some of my girls we’re so happy that we weren’t together anymore they couldn’t wait to tell me how glad they were that we broke up. Not because they didn’t want me to be in a relationship but they could see that he wasn’t right for me and that I was just settling, which is something that I’ll never do again.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I have no regrets about being in a relationship with my ex. The journey we call life is all about experiences. We must take something from each of these experiences and use them as stepping stone to help us as we travel the path of life.