Lately, I’ve noticed that there seems to be a commonalities among a lot of men. Through talking to many of my girlfriends who live all over, whether in the DMV (The DC Metro Area), GA, NY, CA, TX, the sentiment is the same. Many of the men we meet, want to have their cake and eat it too.

Let me explain what I mean by men who have the wanting their cake and eating it too syndrome. They are the ones you spend time with dating and courting, doing the typical things that couples do, then all of a sudden they tell you they’re not looking for a relationship. They have all types of excuses like “I need to get my life together first”, “I need to concentrate on my career”, “I have too much going on right now, it wouldn’t be fair to you”, “I don’t believe in titles” blah blah blah, heard it all before.

Why should they have the right to enjoy all of the benefits of being a couple but yet they don’t want to or feel the need to be in a committed relationship? I’ve never understood that. What’s the point of spending all of your time with someone, making plans, calling them whenever you need their advice/help/support, and then saying oh by the way I’m not looking for a relationship? That just doesn’t make sense. My thought is if you don’t want to be in a relationship, then you should just stick to dating. Stick to going to dinner or the movies, keep it simple. Send the person an occasional email or text. Don’t lead people on.

Of course there are women who are emotionally unavailable or not looking for a relationship for whatever reason but I think we do a better job in not leading men on. We tend to let them know from the beginning this isn’t serious and make sure to keep them at an arm’s length so there’s no chance of feelings getting hurt.

I think it’s important for those who are emotionally unavailable to give that disclaimer at the beginning, definitely within the first few dates. No one wants to waste their time with someone who’s not on the same level when it comes to being in a relationship. It’s not fair to either party.

Everyone should remember the saying, “Never make someone your Priority, when all you are to them is an Option.” I’ve learned to never allow myself to be an option. There’s no point in wasting your time with someone who doesn’t know what they want or if they want to commit to you.

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