There was always a running joke between one of my exes and I, that I wore the pants in our relationship. When I think back on it, I did. It wasn’t that I wanted to, but it was because it came natural and he allowed me to.
In conversations that I’ve had with men, they’d tell me that I think like a guy but I never thought anything of it. I just figured it was the way I was and I accepted it. When one relationship ended, I’d slide right into the next one before allowing the wounds from the previous relationship to heal. When things ended with my boyfriends (those that I was in love with) the easiest thing for me to do was to just cut them off and move on with my life as if they never existed.
In past relationships, I cannot remember ever being the first to say “I love you”. I wonder how many of my female friends could say the same. It’s usually the girl or woman who is the first one to blurt out the L-word, but that was never me. I’ve never been one to pour my heart out to anyone or to call a girlfriend for a shoulder to cry on. That’s just not how I operate.
Sometimes, I wonder if being raised solely by my Dad during my formative years, has anything to do with the way I am when it comes to relationships. I’m sure it had to have some type of affect on me. I’m still figuring it all out.
Glad I finally realized it’s impossible to maintain a relationship when both of the people wear the pants. It causes unnecessary tension and pointless arguments. Over the years, I’ve learned to step back and let the man be a man. I’m not saying that I would ever allow a man to walk over me but I’ve definitely learned how to play my position. Besides, I think I’m over trying to wear the pants, I’d much rather wear a dress.