Last weekend I went to a wedding and had the privilege of serving as a bridesmaid for the fourth time in my life. This time I was fortunate enough to have a cute dress, unlike some of the monstrosities I’ve been forced to wear in the past. It was a nice wedding and I commend them for doing a great job with only a few months of planning.

I usually love weddings but this one was different. It was different for a number of reasons. Mainly because I really wanted to be happy for the bride, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t escape the feeling that she was just settling. We are the same age but she has a 7 year old son and has been raising him as a single Mother since he was born, without any help or financial support from the child’s Father. For as long as I’ve known her, she’s been a very independent person who would never allow a man to tell her what and when to do something.

Mind you, I don’t know her new husband all that well but from what she’s told me he seems to be very controlling. When we were catching up, she told me about how he’d told her to get rid of her social networking accounts (i.e. Facebook) because he didn’t want her to have them. And get this, she said to me, “I wouldn’t trust me either.” She would never have said that before nor would she have accepted someone telling her what to do.

I noticed how he was obsessively calling her the day before the wedding so eventually I made a smart comment saying something to the effect of what do you talk to him like 20 times a day and she was like actually yes. What the hell? She said if she doesn’t answer he gets upset and accuses her of being with someone else. Can you say trust issues? She said when she had her Bachelorette party the week before, her phone had died and he’d left several voicemails accusing her of being out with someone else instead of being at her own Bachelorette party. I’m not going to get into many more details but when she finally talked to him, he was crying and told her he couldn’t imagine being without her. Umm can you say crazy?

As the bridesmaids sat in her room the night before the wedding and she and the maid of honor told stories about his irrational behavior, all I could do was shake my head and say are you really going to go through with this? She tried to justify his behavior and say that he’d change once they were married and how he’s such a sweet guy, blah blah blah. Really, if he’s showing this behavior now, it’s not going to get any better. She’s leaving her family and friends to move to a new states hundreds of miles from anyone she knows. I’m afraid she’ll lose herself because all she’ll have is him. (and her son)

Is it really that serious that you would settle for someone who is controlling, has trust issues, and is emotionally unstable? I wouldn’t. I rather be by myself than deal with someone who’s crazy. I just pray that he’s not one of those people who’s a ticking time bomb. Ladies, I know we may never find that Mr. Right but is it really worth just settling for the first man who comes along and pulls out a ring? I don’t think so.

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