On Sunday, as I sat in church my Pastor began to speak to the women of the congregation. He started preaching saying that woman shouldn’t stop saying that there are no Good Black Men (GBM), because they’ve never had a good example of what a GBM really is.

After service, my new roommate and I had a conversation about this. First of all, I would never say there are no GBM. I’ll admit, I might have fallen into the trap and said it a time or two years ago, but I know that’s not true there are plenty of GBMs out there. Those who continue to put that out there, are the ones who continue to attract the no-good ones. Secondly, I’m tired of hearing that women are saying this because they didn’t have a positive example of what a good Black man is. Every black woman did not grow up in a single-parent household. That is an incorrect assumption. Most of my friends growing up and even now have both parents.

Although my parents were divorced when I was young, I was raised by my single-Father, who later remarried. My Father is the epitome of what a GBM is supposed to be. I remember when I’d watch The Box (telling my age) and videos would come on showing women gyrating, my Dad would change the channel and tell me that’s not how a lady behaves. When he was dating, I would see how he would treat the women he was dealing with. There was always gentleman-like behavior, he opened doors, bought flowers, paid the tab without any question, and just treated her how a lady should be treated. When he married my step-mother, he showered her with gifts and always did little things to spoil her. I’m not going to lie I was a little jealous that she stole my Daddy from me.

With all that said, I believe there are many women out there who are like myself who had a great example of what a GBM is. It’s easy to hold today’s man to the standards of our Fathers, but I don’t know how realistic it is. I think we are easily disappointed and become disenchanted with black men when we can’t find one who treats us like our Daddies.

I can’t lie, I’d love to find a man who will love me with all of his heart and can treat me like a princess. If he’s a black man sobeit, if not oh well, I’m keeping my options open. I’m no longer limiting myself to just finding a good black man, I’m just looking for a good man. Hoping he’ll stumble my way one day.