I never understood why married men, especially those who are newly married, would want to cheap on their wives. Why invest so much time and energy by marrying someone you’re not in love with?

The single married man, is a married man who does everything to make you think he’s still single. This concept has become more prevalent over the last few years. Fortunately, I never encountered it on a personal level, that is until a few days ago.

Last week I was in New Orleans for the National Black MBA Conference. On the first night, I hung out on Bourbon Street with an old friend. While we were heading back to the hotel, a guy she used to date texted her and asked her to meet him at the bar in our hotel. She told me they had dated, but after dating him for several months he told her he had a girlfriend, so she ended their relationship. Fast forward to the present, we ended up meeting him at the bar in our hotel (where he was also staying). Me being the person I am, I had the survey the situation and the first thing I noticed was a shiny, platinum wedding band on his finger. Apparently, he ended up married the girlfriend that he was dating when he and my friend were dating. During the chat, my friend tried her hardest to keep bringing up his recent marriage, just to remind him that he was in fact married. In the middle of the night, this fool (who had only been married for 4 days, YES F-O-U-R) calls my friend and asks her to come to his room. Can you believe he would have the nerve to even ask her that? Needless to say, she didn’t go and hasn’t spoken to him since.

So my encounter was different. On the last night we all went to a party sponsored by our graduate school. One of my former classmates who is also recently married came up to me and we just chatted like normal, we were always cool so I didn’t think anything of it. Next thing I know he follows me out to the balcony and is like we should leave and go get drinks some where else. We end up going to a place off of Bourbon Street that is known for their hurricanes. As we sat there, I don’t know if it was the liquor talking but he started reminiscing about school and asking me why I wasn’t married and going on and on. He started saying how he always felt like I never took him seriously and how there was always something about me that was different from everyone else. After like an hour, I was ready to go because it was getting awkward and I wasn’t sure where he was going with the conversation. He still wanted to hang out, so I ended up convincing the girls to join us and we kept the party going.

We, the girls and him, ended the night having a round table conversation about relationships between black men and women, how Black men are selfish (he said this, I didn’t), and what lead to the ruin of the black family. Definitely a heavy conversation for the wee hours of the morning and after having several drinks. During the conversation, my girls noticed that although he was speaking in generalities when it came to certain topics, they could tell he was speaking about me. When we left my girls kept saying how it seemed like he really liked me. I guess I should’ve known that because he would always hate on me to my ex while we were in school. I see now it was his immaturity because he was jealous. Men are funny.

The next day he calls and asks me when I’ll be in the area where he lives, and suggests we should meet for dinner or drinks. I was like, yeah we’ll have to see about that, meaning no. Although, we were classmates I have too much respect for his wife, even though I don’t know her, to even consider going to dinner with her husband. I wish other women would be as considerate.

The girls and I sat around and talked about what had happened during the conference. The main topic of conversation was about these single married men. We wondered how many of the men at the conference were not wearing their wedding bands. How many of them were wearing a band but still tried to overstep their boundaries. The sad part is there are so many unscrupulous women out there, that allow these men to cheat on their wives, encouraging this behavior. I just don’t see why a man would marry someone, he’s supposedly in love with, and see absolutely nothing wrong with cheating on her. Someone please tell me, what’s the point of exchanging vows if you don’t really mean it? I feel as though, if you want to be single, don’t get married. I think it should be as easy as that.

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