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nonewfriendsFigured I’d mix things up a bit since no one’s reading my posts on new and exciting things to do in DC anyway and I’m done with my dating blog.  Sorry folks, I’m not bringing it back.

Over the last few weeks, Drake’s new song No New Friends (<– links to the clean version) has been clogging the airways, every where you go you hear it.  It has a catchy beat so I pretty much sing along to it every time I hear it.  Honestly, I don’t really know any of the words besides the chorus, no new friends, which seems to strike a key with me.

While, I’m always out and about doing something and have a great network of people I can call when I need something,  I don’t have very many new friends.   There are my sorority sisters, fellow board members, current and former coworkers, and countless people I’ve met over the years but I think of most of them as solely associates.  

Honestly, it takes a lot for me to call someone my friend.  Just because we may talk every once in a while or meet up for Happy Hour, doesn’t automatically make me call someone my friend.  It’s much deeper than that.  A true friend to me is someone who you can tell anything and everything and not worry about them judging you and blabbing your business to anyone who will listen.  A friend is someone you can count on to tell you the truth in any situation no matter if it hurts your feelings.  A friend is someone who might disagree with you sometimes or even make you angry but you forget about it and move on as if nothing happened.

Maybe I’m guarded because I’ve met many people who I’ve thought would make great friends but ended up being the only one who made an attempt at nurturing the relationship.  It only takes a few instances of random calls and texts saying “it’s been too long”, “let’s hang out”, or “let’s catch up” before I move on.  If that’s how every conversation ends that’s a sign.  You make time for people you want to make time for, that’s all.

I always find it funny when I stop reaching out to people or inviting them to things and then all of a sudden they wonder why they don’t hear from me anymore.  After several times of them either not responding or saying they’re coming and not showing up, I cross them off my list mentally and physically.

If I meet someone who has the potential to be a friend, I’ll support them anyway I can, that’s just the kind of person I am.  If they need advice I’m there.  If they host something or have a party I’m there but if I don’t see the favor returned I’m taking it as a loss.  Friendships are a lot like dating, I’m not chasing anyone and I don’t expect to be chased.  It either works organically or it doesn’t.  If it doesn’t then move on.

A few weeks ago, an associate of mine was having a birthday party.  I brought bf along because I figured he liked the venue and he had met this associate before. Also, he invited his single male friend because I told him there would likely be a lot of women there.  It was in a crowded lounge so we squeezed our way through the crowd to say hey to my associate, exchanged hugs and wished her a happy birthday, that was it.  He was puzzled that we weren’t all in the mix of the girls surrounding her.

I told him I was simply there to show support and that a few of our mutual friends/associates would also be there. I had to explain to him that she wasn’t a friend so I didn’t see the purpose of trying to stand by her side in this crowded space.  Yes, we’ve known each other for a few years and have served on Boards together but she isn’t someone I’d consider a friend but he was totally confused.  Clearly, some men don’t know how to distinguish between someone you know v. an associate v. a friend.

While I understand what Drake is saying about no new friends, I guess I’m conflicted because old friends were new friends at one point in time.  On the other hand, these days everyone is so busy it’s hard to cultivate friendships so it seems like the easiest solution is to simply say no new friends.  Guess you’ll never know if a “new friend” is worth your time if you don’t allow yourself to open up to them.

With that said, I’m definitely cool with new associates, the new friend role is one that will only come with time and effort.

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?